Showing up.

Perhaps as a symptom of my perfectionism (which I didn’t know I had until I read Brene Brown's Daring Greatly), I thought I had to, or at the very least could, fix transform my habits and traits before I went out and interacted with the dynamic world as a me I was really happy with.

But the past four years of adventuring and consistently disturbing the bounds of my comfort zone revealed a different strategy to me.

I’ve stepped into dynamic situations which called upon certain traits in me, at whatever level of development—highly polished to seriously scraggly—and revealed an even greater capacity— to be flexible, kind, strong— than I thought I had.

I’ve started to see myself as less fixed and more dynamic. Traits were called up like numbers in a Bingo game and, much to my surprise, they responded.

For example, imagine: You are alone, it’s dark and your hotel room is ½  a mile away. The only way to get there is on a dirt path through the woods by foot (no motorized transport on this island). Oh, and you’re freaked.out.scared. That was a situation I created for myself by meeting a friend for a piña colada at a restaurant half way in between where each of us was staying on Little Corn Island in Nicaragua.

Courage was called up like B7 and I was like BINGO. Yes I felt fear and for a moment it felt all encompassing, but then courage arose. Right on cue.

After the situation was over and I was safe, I got to add to my courage bank. The accumulation of these kinds of experiences (where courage or any other given quality is called upon) helps me to think of myself as more courageous.

I don’t have to will myself to be something I feel I’m not; I just show up to my life willingly, see what it asks of me, and notice what rises up in response. 

To enhance this process, I’ve been working on noticing when I have a fixed view of myself which isn’t serving me: Mary is like this, therefore she doesn’t/won’t/can’t do that. Then I actively call up exceptions in my mind. We can usually think of at least one exception which means we have some currency in the bank of the traits we want to build on.

p.s. On Little Corn Island I ran the whole way back, figuring any crazy animals or persons hiding in the woods would think I was even crazier. I highly recommend this technique for women feeling scared in foreign countries. I should also say that Little Corn is very safe because the economy is entirely dependent on tourism. My fear, like my courage, was self-created.

Photo credit: bridges&balloons

Super hero mind powers. Or, What's the best that could happen?

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

Sometimes we ask folks this in an attempt to help them see that some situation won’t be that bad. What’s the worst that could happen? You’re not going to die.

The problem with this question, is that we start thinking about the worst that could happen. All our mental energy goes to creating a list (no matter how outrageous) of terrifying possibilities. And we make it easy for ourselves to get stuck right here.

I could die. I probably won’t but I could. Or I might embarrass myself and just want to die. I could lose my job, not be able to provide for my family and…yada yada yada.

I’ve gotta give it to us, we are skilled in the art of possibility creation.

Some folks call this imagination. It’s one of our super-hero mind powers.

And taking a cue from all the good super heroes, we ought to use it for good, not evil. Use your super-hero mind power to fight the crime in your mind.

Ok, so it’s not a crime to think up terrifying possibilities, but it is a darn shame given that we can use the same incredible power to think up exciting, motivating, and inspiring possibilities.

Instead ask, “What’s the best that could happen?” 

Photo Credit: >Rooners

Enough.

"When we follow our intuitive sense of what's true and right for us, and do what we genuinely feel energy for, we always seem to have enough money to be, do, and have the things we truly need and want." Shakti Gawain from "Creating True Prosperity" Skakti was writing about prosperity so it makes sense that she writes about money in the quote above. When I read this quote I sometimes plug in the words "resources," "energy," "support," "courage" or "conviction" in place of the word "money," because it feels more expansive to me. Do you ever walk into something you are obligated to do, but strongly do not want to do and notice that things just seem to keep getting worse? That's how we got the expression, "When it rains it pours." In both cases, the same principle applies. So I guess the question is, what's it raining?